There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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