the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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