I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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