He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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