When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
