Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize