I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize