soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
