I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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