I'm sorry my penis didn't work
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
