I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
