Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
