Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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