i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
