i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
there is glitter all over my balls
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