nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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