a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
