FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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