My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
