Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
