how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
