She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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