So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
