We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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