I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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