Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
