I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
