he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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