well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
