I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
