do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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