just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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