you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
