Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
