After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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