if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
