I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
