I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
