Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
