See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
