I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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