I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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