There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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