onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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