Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
