im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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