I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
