Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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