drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
