living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
