Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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