We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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