My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
