what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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