need another drink. this is the easiest way
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
