It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
