remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
