it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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