My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
