They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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