The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
