Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
