Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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