I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
