The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
