I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
