Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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