Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
