Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
