Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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