there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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