The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
