the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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