She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
