Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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